Okay, I’m not going to ask you to look at pictures of my kids in their halloween costumes. But I am going to ask for the next five minutes of your life as we discuss some Trick-or-Treating rules that I have, through my years of being the candy-passer-outer, decided should be honored by all who knock on my door on October 31st between 6 and 9 pm.

Trick-or-Treating Rules That Should Be Honored By All Who Knock On My Door On October 31st Between 6 and 9 pm. 

1.  Trick-or-Treaters over the age of fifteen will be denied candy.  A student i.d. card and/or birth certificate will be heretofore required before Fun Size KitKat is dispensed.

bearded trick or treater

2.  Trick-or-Treaters bearing exposed chest hair, yelling “trick or treat!” in a deep voice, and weighing more than my husband and me put together will–despite all protests to the contrary–be assumed to exceed the Trick-or-Treating age requirement and will thus be denied candy.

3.  Trick-or-treaters wearing costumes purchased at