How to have a great weekend in three easy steps.

  • 6:30 a.m.: Run to Winco to buy Capri Suns you promisedpromisedpromised your daughter that, before you went to bed last night, you’d go get for her class party today.  (You forgot.  You went to bed.)  While at Winco, pick up a big, sugary bag of Tootie Frooties as a Happy Friday treat for the kids.  Return home at 7:00 am.  Kids are thrilled with big sugary bag.

  • 8:00 am:  Discover that your wallet is missing.  Try not to freak out.  Call Winco – nothing.  Search the house – nothing.  Call Hub at work–maybe he grabbed it this morning for some reason?–nothing.  Look in the car, outside, the kids’ rooms, the grocery bags, the kitchen cupboards, under the beds, couches, the car again–nothing nothing nothing.  At 8:30, you remember that you put an unusually large wad of cash in said wallet,  just last night, to pay for a few things this weekend.  Start to really freak out.  Call Winco again – surely someone has turned it in by now?  Winco checks all registers, parking lots, restrooms.  Sorry.  Nothing.

  •  9:30 am:  After another hour of hunting, have a sudden thought to drive to Winco anyway.  Pull into the lot and park by the line of carts you used earlier.  Look down the mile of carts and see, about a dozen carts down, a little flash of red.  Upon closer inspection find that you did, in fact, leave your wallet in the cart at Winco and, though multiple shoppers had obviously been there since you, it remained untouched.  Open wallet to find unusually large wad of cash intact.  Bursting, you giddily tell the old man nearby who’s smoking a cigarette by his car–and whom you’ve never seen before–the whole story.  Smile when he shakes his head and replies, “Now that’s a miracle, ma’am.  If you believe in God, you should thank Him now.”

And you do.

Missing “Downton?” Here ya go.

Another bare and dreary Abbeyless Sunday night, so I think a little tribute is in order.

Awhile back, I came across this article on the ever popular Huffington Post, and I’ve been meaning to share it with you ever since.  In it, the journalist explains how today’s working women can learn valuable lessons from the women of Downton Abbey.  The writer is, if you can believe it, not being facetious.  She was completely serious.  (I am laughing as I’m writing this.  She was serious!  A Serious Article for a Very Serious blog.  It’s just too good.)

So, though I hate to beat a dead horse here, I’m left with no choice but to sit back, take a breath, and ask the same question I asked in my last Dowton Abbey post, which is:  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Funny, I thought Downton Abbey was a silly pseudodrama about a life of unfathomable luxury, but apparently the oh-so-believable travails of the oh-so-believeable Crawley women provide guidance for us all.  One of the first things the writer points out is how we can learn to manage money in marriage from Lord and Lady Grantham–Lord and Lady Grantham!  The Lord and the Lady are going to show us how to deal with our money woes.  Do you think they use the Dave Ramsey cash system?

Okay, alright.  In fairness, I should point out that two exceptionally sound points are made in this article:[sociallocker id=”9134″]

1)  “Choose your marriage partner well.”  I would have never, ever thought of this if weren’t for Downton Abbey (and the Huff Post for so kindly pointing it out to me.)  I’m gonna print this out and paste it to the inside of my girls’ backpacks.

2)  “Have breakfast in bed.”  Except the writer didn’t tell me who would make the breakfast and bring it to me while I sat in bed.  I think Anna might be busy with Lady Mary.

Pearls of wisdom, to be sure.  Tell me, friends:  how are things like this getting published?  I don’t know.  But I do know that this brilliant article recommends “bringing in outside help for housecleaning and garden maintenance” to ease marital stress.  Certainly a cue we can all take from the Dowager.  Why hadn’t this occurred to me before?  If it had, I’m quite certain, dahling, that Derrick and I would be getting along with each other swimmingly.  Just swimmingly.

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Goodbye grumpy.

Last Wednesday I was grumpy.  Seriously grumpy.  Remember that post I wrote about how the best thing about going on vacation was coming home again?  I lied.

After a few days of the I-missed-my-kids-so-much-that-it’s-good-to-be-home glow, Wednesday smacked me right back into reality.  It started with–what else?–chaperoning a field trip for my son’s second-grade class.  Field trips are always the least fun “fun” day of the year, but  last week’s was particularly grisly as it was spent at Sacajawea State Park, which resides on what is currently the freezing, windy banks of the Columbia River.  Squinting and goosebumped, we stood numbly in the blustery squall for hours; really, we were like the Donnor party out there.  Due to the weather, half the park staff didn’t show up, so upon arrival we learned that of the four “activity stations” they’d promised for the kids, exactly none would be delivered.  The kids were so devastated that they spend the next three hours screaming and running around, playing Duck Duck Goose and wondering why all the grownups were huddled together in winter coats with the hoods cinched up.

I came home cold, tired and grumpy, with a long afternoon and evening ahead of me as the Hub was, once again, out of town.  (Did I mention we were back to reality?)  The kids tumbled home from school with friends in tow and I decided that the only way to flush out my grumpiness was to spend the rest of the day cleaning my house.  See, I always try to take my worst mood of the week apply it to Cleaning Day.  That way I never waste a good mood on housework; it all gets done in one big, fat, sick day.  I’d wake up Thursday morning to a clean house, folded laundry, and No Field Trip.  An airtight plan, for sure.  And for sure I’d no longer be grumpy.

My plan failed.  Not that I didn’t execute it; I did.  I scrubbed the house top-to-bottom and worked on the laundry until bedtime.  I read to Ethan and got the older kids to bed but by the time my husband called at 10:30, rather than the exhiliration of productivity, I just felt more grumpy.  Grumpy that I hadn’t slept well all week and was just so tired.  Grumpy that he was gone again.  Grumpy that I looked so old in my vacation photos.  Grumpy that, after three hours on my feet at the field trip and another seven on my feet at home I was still surrounded by mile-high piles of laundry that would now have to be dealt with the next day.  Sometimes it hits me, the sheer number of hours–days, weeks–I’ve spent in the course of my lifetime doing other people’s laundry.  If I let myself think about it too much, I’ll just get grumpy.

I went to bed exhausted, but was so grumpy that I didn’t doze off until around 1 am, so you can imagine what a great mood I was in the next morning.  I scrambled to get the kids breakfast and to school on time, and just as I was telling Ethan (again) to hurry and brush his teeth, he grabbed my hands and said, “Mom close your eyes.  I have a surprise for you.”  Ethan goofs around alot (um, understatement), so I ignored his request and said, “Ethan…teeth…now!”

“But Mom, I have a surprise for you!  Close your eyes.”

“No!  We don’t have time to play.  You can show me your surprise later.”

“Mom, please!”  Ugh.

“Okay, but hurry.”   He made sure my eyes were closed, then held both my hands and led me into my bedroom.

“Okay.  Open.”

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The little guy had made my bed.  All by himself, as best as he could.  Because he knew I was grumpy.

I thought it looked perfect.  And after that, I wasn’t grumpy anymore.