The only thing more fun than watching a good movie with your friends is watching a bad one. So it happened this blustery March weekend when our good friends, the Shorts, came for a visit. Before I launch into my critical tirade, I must convey the level of fun we always have with the Short family. They are fun, funny, intelligent, witty, easygoing, gracious, generous…and that only sums up their personalities. Of course they are gorgeous and glamorous as well (they’re friends of ours, for Pete’s sake.)
of us together. But at least I’m posting these. Baby steps.
We wanted to break down some of the misconceptions our West coast friends may have had about Kennewick being a small, crusty town, so we decided to show them some of the classier hot spots: the bowling alley, the Rollerena and, of course, Costco.
boring use of handlebars
fun use of handlebars
ethan thinks he’s hit the jackpot with a computer screen from 1985
how cute is this family?
Believe it or not, we had a blast at all three places, and Rachel scored a cute pair of jeans at Costco, which she claimed was the first article of clothing she’d ever purchased there. (Was she kidding? My closet is full of Costco and Target staples. Am I the only woman who buys her clothes at the same stores she can get produce and toilet paper? I thought this was normal.) But I digress.
After appeasing our children with the aforementioned activities, we did manage a little adult fun. We hired two sitters, hooked them up with pizza, and then made our way to Anthony’s for dinner (on the river; pretty; yum). Jason wowed us all by entering the famed “Oyster Slurp” contest which was being held in the foyer of the restaurant. Yes, four grown men stood around a table that was graced with large platters of raw oysters, and at the signal, slurped them up as fast as they could. We were expecting great things from Jason, who was the only true northwesterner at the table, in addition to being at least 25 years younger than all of the other contenders.
Talk about a smug grin.
(He thought he was pretty hot stuff with those oysters.)
Alas, it was not to be: our poor Jason came in dead last, finishing only half his platter of oysters as the victor slurped his own up at an unbelievable rate. Oh, the agony of defeat.
After a scrumptious dinner at Anthony’s, we were perfectly positioned for a bit of candy and a great movie. Unfortunately, there was nothing great playing, so we settled on Taken, a Liam Neeson action movie (yes, we ladies were being generous.) This movie was well done and fast paced, BUT….because of the subject matter, I do not recommend it for mothers, fathers, women, or men with any kind of regard for the sanctity of life or the dignity of the human soul. In other words, Derrick and Jason loved it.
After the flick, it was only 9 pm and we had a couple more hours before we needed to get home. The usual Kennewick nightlife–i.e., concerts, gallery openings, jazz clubs–seemed hard to find on this particular Friday night. So what to do? See another movie, of course! And due to some lofty (but highly classified) theater connections, we were able to get into the next one free. So we decided that This One’s For the Girls (a big shout out to Martina), and dragged our hubbys to He’s Just Not That Into You, hoping for a fun, feel good show that would end the evening on a high note. But as with Jason’s ill-fated slurpoff, it was not meant to be.
This movie was not original, funny, or clever. It was: unoriginal, boring, crass, and forgettable. Think of every irritating cliche you’ve ever seen in a romantic comedy, times it by two hours, and you’ve got He’s Just Not That Into You. I’m surprised the critics were as easy on it as they were.
Besides the predictably lazy morals, the worst thing about this movie is its illustration of men and women. Men are made out to be self-centered, immature jerks who seemingly can’t stand women, don’t want to marry women, don’t want to be married to women, and don’t want to be bothered with women, period.(Maybe that’s why half of the characters are gay.) The women fare no better. They are silly, whiny, and naive, with the emotional maturity of fourteen-year old gi
rls. The women who are older and more mature are played as uptight, boring, and lifeless. These female characters put up with or follow around men who, apparently, just don’t like them much at all. I sat there wondering, “Do men really hate women this much?” I was surprised that so many “empowered” female actresses would consent to play roles that made women look so victimized, so ignorant, and so stupid.
(I used a whole lot of adjectives in that last paragraph. Fifteen, to be exact.)
And there you have it. Alot of smart, funny people I know liked this movie, so I may make some enemies from this post, but I dare not consent by my silence.
Having said all that, I can now admit that I’m glad we saw this movie because it spawned a fun game on the car ride home. We will call it something original, like: What’s the Worst Movie You’ve Ever Seen?
Derrick: He’s Just Not That Into You
Jen: The Object of My Affection
Rachel: Circle of Friends
Jason: The Ultimate Gift
So now what I want to know is: What’s the worst movie you’ve ever seen? I can hardly wait to find out. Whatever your answer may be, I hope you at least got to enjoy it with some good friends and Original Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups (not their ugly stepchild, Reese’s Pieces. Really, Jason, what were you thinking??)
one of my worst movies is pride and the perdjudice ….. i dont get how you can sit through even the short verison i always fall asleep or turn it off at the same spot whenever i try and watch it …..the long verison would be even worse ..also the eye is really bad and boring i fell asleep and it was supposed to be scary …… ya not so much
<3 Kenzer
Hey Jen its Alise. From Past times~ Good to see your blog and to see whats new with ya! Keep in touch, we’ll talk to you later
Jaimy, is that you?
And I have a couple more:
Failure to Launch (and anything else w/the “Mac” in it)
The Wedding Planner (like I said)
Message in a Bottle
Nights in Rodanthe
Like a good man, a good romantic comedy is hard to find.
I feel a moral obligation to add one more movie. We saw Indian Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull this weekend and it might take over my #1 spot for worst movie ever. First of all, it has a really long name. Did I even get it right? Secondly, Indiana Jones mixed with aliens??!! Pathetic, laughable, and most of all . . . boring!! It seemed a desperate attempt for Harrison Ford. I actually felt sorry for him.
I thought of a few more movies to add to your list…
1. Transformers
2. A Walk in the Clouds
3. Billy Madison
4. Meet Joe Black (not even Brad Pitts good looks could save this one)
5. I hesitate to say this one on the slight chance that my brother might blog stalk you at some point, but it has to be said…Mama’s Boy.
I hated MaMa Mia. We rented it from the red box so it was only $1 but still not worth it. ( I guess all the Abba songs in it should've been a clue)
I’m grinning from ear to ear! This post is the best! Who cares if the the roll arena is the best Kennewick has to offer…when we’re the with the Smiths, it feels as classy as a NY gallery opening (with just a little more cheez whiz, amongst other things).
But a girl can only lower her standards so far…the jeans had to be returned. I really tossed and turned at night thinking I might be in “that” category and the thought of it, well, wait…who am I kidding…I am so not above buying my clothes at Costco ( I wish I was in that tier). In fact, 90% of my clothing was purchased at Target…is there really a difference? No, I had to return the jeans on account of having some length issues with them (yes, there is a reason my blog title is “chunky legs”).
As far as my husband goes…I’m so glad he lost the slurp off. How embarrassing would that be if he won!
As far as the movie goes…thank goodness we saw such a crappy movie with people we could make fun of it with….what if you liked it?…how awkward! I’m still trying to conjure up a few more for the worst movie ever list…(it shouldn’t be so hard), but I’m for sure with you and your sis on Legends…nothing redeeming there.
Regardless of the poor movie and limited entertainment selection, we will be more than happy to grace Kennewick with our oh so cool uppity Portland presence anyday if it means we can hang with you guys and partake of those yummy German pancakes! Thanks again!
I love your blog – you always make me laugh! I am not sure what my worse movie ever it – I have seen so many bad ones! I will have to think about it!
Sarah–ALL 15 yr olds except you, of course!! :)Heather–yeah, don't even bother.Teri–thanks!Shellee–I don't think I've ever heard of "Clifford." Martin Short can be so good and so bad, right?Nancy–Are you kidding? No one's more glamorous that our Creekstone carpool clique!Allison–glad you agree on the candy–VERY important issue. We need another girls' night so we have an excuse to eat alot of it!And thanks for reading this obnoxiously long post, all!
Just what I was thinking, Nancy. 😉 I feel so frumpy.But I agree… Reece's Pieces are in no way an appropriate substitute for the Cups!
Oh, now I know why we don't hang with you and Derrick…we aren't "gorgeous and glamorous." 🙂
The worst movie I have ever seen Clifford (Martin Short),not the dog
I had no idea that they had handlebars at the bowling alley…how funny is that?
Oh, and good to know I shouldn’t waste my money on THOSE movies 🙂
By the way…we will be at church in just a few weeks (the week before conference). I hope we’ll get to see you!
You are a great writer!
Worst movie??? I'm sure there is a long list but the one that comes to mind first is "Anchorman". Lame, lame LAME movie. Not even worth renting. Everyone I know that has seen He's just not that into you has NOT liked it. Glad to know I'm not missing anything.
emotional maturity of 14-year-old girls? what? even though i AM 15 now… gosh! ;)just kidding! 😀
Oh, Jaim, I couldn’t love you more. Yes, we together for “Object,” and yes…the only movie I’ve ever walked out on, too. (What’s up w/Jennifer Aniston? She needs a new manager.) So, so bad. I agree w/all your others-I almost listed “Legends.”
And as for “Not that Into You,” you are one of the smart, funny people I was referring to. I know what you mean…I thought “Hope Floats” was the deepest, most meaningful movie ever right after I had a baby. And “HJNTIY” is to you what “Shopaholic” was to me. We all need our junk food once in awhile. 🙂
#1-Object of My Affection-the only movie ever to inspire me to leave the theater half way through. We were together, right? Losing my $8 couldn’t even keep me there.
#2-4 is a three-way tie: Picture Perfect (another horrible JA film), Legends of the Fall (that won’t make me popular, i’m sure), and August Rush (too boring to watch even though doug was out of town and I was not looking for anything spectacular. i turned it off).
And in my defense, I had not been out of the house in about 9 months and I was absolutely starved for anything semi-adult. I’m sorry, I liked it! He’s Just Not That Into You was the mindless brain candy I was looking for and I laughed out loud. You make some very good points about it, all of which I agree with. But still, knowing it was trash, I enjoyed every crass morsel.
I’m okay, you’re okay.
–jaimy
Lora, I am SO w/you on Mari Antoinette! How could the director of “Lost in Translation” commit such an atrocity? I also forgot to put down “The Guardian.” You have to see it to believe how bad it was.
Cute family pic, by the way!
Worst movie ever??? Has to be Vanity Fair. Slow, boring and absolutely no point. Falling asleep during this movie was the only sanity. Marie Antoinette comes in at a close second. Horrible!