Yesterday I went swimsuit shopping.  After trying on multiple swimsuits in multiple styles in multiple dressing rooms with multiple fat mirrors, I decided that I have simply been born in the wrong era.  Really, I think there may have been a mistake in Heaven.  Because I’m telling you right now, I’d give up facebook, epidurals, diet soda and the nineteenth amendment if it meant I could show up to your pool wearing this.


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Now that’s what I call a swimsuit model.

I think I could have rocked the 1920 beach scene.