Today I:

1. Got pulled over for running a red arrow (I still swear it was yellow) on a left turn. I did it right behind a police car while talking on to my sister on my bluetooth. Apparently, even handsfree devices aren’t idiot-proof enough for me. He was nice and gave me only a warning. What kind of driver runs a red light right behind a cop?

2. Realized that this warning follows up the warning I received in my neighborhood a few weeks ago by a not-so-nice cop who stopped me for speeding on the way to school. I think he only gave me a warning because he couldn’t scan me in time, as he was busy writing another mini-vanned mom a ticket at that very moment. What kind of a driver gets two warnings within two weeks with her children in the car? (a hot one, did you say??)

3. Forgot that my daughter was on crosswalk duty today, and thus would need me (instead of the carpool) to pick her up, and thus sped mightily to retrieve her a full fifteen minutes late from the school. Nearly collided with another driver at the intersection in front of the school, and when I say nearly, I mean it…we both had to swerve and narrowly missed each other. In the panicked split-second of a near crash, I noticed the other driver was a large male with some kind of crutches leaning against the back seat. What kind of driver almost kills a sweet, heavyset handicapped man right in front of Lincoln Elementary?

4. Received a warning letter–in the form of a “friendly reminder”–from Ethan’s preschool teacher, regarding a certain stuffed white polar bear named Snowy. The kids get to take Snowy home with them on a rotating basis, and are expected to return him the following preschool day, complete with an essay outlining what activities were done with Snowy and, if the mom is so inclined, accompanying photos of ChildAndSnowyDoingCuteThingsTogether (curse those supermoms!) I have now had Snowy for two preschool days and five ensuing nights, as the two school days were split over the weekend. Tomorrow when I drop Ethan off I will have to produce
a) Snowy
b) my lamest warmed over apologies
c) a darling essay that will somehow put a positive spin on the fact that Snowy spent the entire weekend stuffed in Ethan’s closet.

5. Continued the twelve loads of laundry I started yesterday. I am not kidding. I counted. Still not done. I hate socks. And mens dress shirts.

6. Had several disastrous couponing experiences. The good deals were out of stock; the checkstand rebates didn’t work; I misread the fine print on my coupons. Final result: $24 spent on Swiffer WetJet Refill Pads. Need I say more?

7. Went to the church bookstore to buy Mothers Day gifts. Left with some piano music, a book, and two Shade shirts…all for me. Really didn’t mean to.

8. Began the arduous process of recovering two of my kids’ lost Social Security Cards, a journey which the SS people assured me would not be pleasant. What kind of a mother loses her childrens’ social security cards? Really didn’t mean to.

8. Decided to make cookies “for a sick friend.” Am helping myself to more dough every time I get up to take a batch out of the oven. Am in total denial about how rapidly I’m regaining the five pounds I’ve worked so hard to lose since Christmas. Really haven’t meant to.

9. Am no closer than I was yesterday to finding Rachael’s glasses. $241 to replace them. Really need to find them.

10. Instructed my children to make Mothers Day cards for their grandmothers. When my middle child asked to use some of my own pretty paper, I snapped at her to just use the construction paper I’d given her. Really didn’t mean to.

11. Cringed as my husband informed me that I managed to offend both homeschoolers and public school teachers/students/parents with my last post. Realized, upon a closer reading, that the post sounded like I was sore about Rachael not winning, which wasn’t the case at all. I just thought the whole dynamic of the science fair was pretty funny. But I managed to come across as an outraged, cynical, snotty stage mother. Really didn’t mean to.

12. Saw Derrick for about 2.5 minutes as I came in the door from violin lessons and he was leaving to spend the entire evening at the church. Again. Grunted something like “yeah, bye, whatever” as he was walking out the door, telling me about his long night ahead. Realized I am not as cheery and supportive as I pretend to be. Really need to change that.

And there you have my Top Twelve List of the Dumbest Tuesday Ever. (Too much material to keep it to a top ten.)

Tomorrow I will post about all of the great things that have happened this last week and snap myself out of this funk. But tonight I’m letting myself sulk. I’m going to go finish the laundry, put on some fat pants and curl up with the book I bought earlier today. It’s of the variety I usually avoid: How To Be a Better Mother. Tonight I’m not just taking, but seeking, the punishment I’m sure it will dole out. I feel like I deserve a few lashes. Yeah, my day was that bad.

14 thoughts on “My Tuesday, in list format

  1. You may have lost your kids SS cards, but I actually gave mine away. Yup…gave a bunch of old file folders away, and luckily, the guy I gave them to found them stashed inside, and returned them to me before we moved out of town. Whew!!  Crisis avoided!  Good luck!

  2. You guys are all way too kind.  I knew you’d make me feel better–no wonder I started a blog!  Thanks especially for the admissions of traffic violations–that’s what I was really feeling terrible about.  My mom called me today with a slight strain in her voice:  “I read your blog.  What’s the deal with the police encounters?”  I think she’s worried for her grandchildren’s safety.  Maybe she’ll read all of your comments and realize I’m not a totally unfit mother after all.

    Lora–twice in one day?  With grandma?  Yeah, need to hear more about that.

    Jaimy–I’ve only smacked a bird, but it clung to my windshield all night on the freeway and looked like a big yellow egg yolk with feathers.  Not pretty.  I remember the dog from high school, but what were the other two?  Still laughing out loud at your comment.

    Melissa E.–I don’t think “wonderful” is a word to describe how I sound in this post, but you are nice enough to use it.  Glad you can relate on the absent hubby, b/c I know you sure don’t relate on the airheadedness.

    Melissa P.–thanks for your kind words.  You were not overly sensitive at all.  My own sister told me she didn’t like my post b/c she thought it ripped on public schools (she’s a teacher), and I felt terrible.  I really wasn’t too worried about the ribbon thing, just needed a fun angle for the story.  I appreciated your good insights–I know my kids benefit from “the system” too, as they have their own areas that they struggle in.  And I’m certainly glad no one’s making them feel bad about it!  Thanks for the good comments.  And btw–your daughter is adorable. 🙂

    Nancy–are you kidding?  Our convo in the car was the one bright spot in my day!

    I know it’s tacky to leave long comments on my own blog, but I just love talking w/you guys.  Sorry!

  3. I’ve gotten two tickets in the same day and my lovely 89-year old grandmother was with me. Not trying to one-up, but just trying t let you know that we need to go to lunch and sulk without kids. Let me know and I’m sure Ian would love to watch your kids. Don’t you love how I volunteer him for things. Hope your Wed. was better than your Tues.

  4. Oh, yeah.  And sorry our convo in the cars kept u from Derrick.  You would have had a full 10 mins with him had I not held u up!

  5. Jenn, Yesterday I would have waited for Rachel and brought your girls home from school, but Meg said, “My mom’s picking us up.”  I even said, “Are u sure?”  She said, “Oh, yes.”  Not trying to make u feel worse; just wanted u to know the “carpooler” tried to bring the girls home.   =)

  6. So I have learned by reading that you are… human.  I’m sorry all that happened in one day.  It usually spreads out to cover a week or more, so extra hugs for that.  I had intended to come back at some point, and will do it here, to tell you that your science fair post was not offensive.  I probably sounded more serious in my comment because you hit a nerve.  It’s the nerve that has me humbled because I had or would have said everything you did (in your very witty way) making fun of the “system”, but have had to live in the reality that became my daughter who struggles.  I still laughed with you.  I also felt guilty because that “system” benefits my girl on occasion.  Whether it should be set up that way or not now totally befuddles me.  Anyway, I hope Wednesday is better for you! 😀

  7. Hey don’t be too hard on yourself. We are always our own worst critic. If it makes you feel any better I’ve gotten 2 speeding tickets in less than 24 hours (no warnings for me). You are kind enough to make cookies for a sick friend, I never do because I don’t want the temptation around. And I once lost a paycheck, which was much more than $241. We all have our bad moments, sometimes those moments are a little too close together for our liking. But overall they teach us to be humble and to try a little harder each day. Oh and I thought the science fair post was great, any one reading it knew you were being light hearted!

  8. I love you Jen!!  You are by far my favorite blogger!!  I am so lucky you are my sister-in-law :  I get to be wonderful just by association!  So funny!  I am with you on the laundry, the grumbling about the “passing in the night” with my husband, well – everything!!  You are wonderful!!

Comments are now closed.