I’ve been trying to lose a few pounds since Christmas. Who hasn’t? (If you haven’t because you don’t care, that’s great. If you haven’t because you have a killer metabolism and supermodel genes, we don’t want to hear from you. We love you but we just can’t. You understand.)
So I’ve been on the Christmas/Valentine’s Day/March Madness merry-go round these last few months, gaining and losing like the stock market in ‘29. (And March Madness doesn’t mean I’m eating while watching basketball; it means that it’s March and I’m mad. Because I was supposed to be a willowy waif by March and–spoiler alert–I’m not.) But I decided that just because I marched in like a (chubby) lion doesn’t mean I can’t march out like a lean and leggy lamb.
And so I made my resolution for April: lesser portions, less mindless munching and above all, less sugar.
Actually, less sugar is for wimps. Nobody’s doing less sugar these days; it’s all or nothing. So let’s say no sugar. No sugar for April. Because it’s 2018 and we have Whole30 and Paleo and Oprah whowon’tgoaway and everyone and their skinny dog knows by now that sugar is the Devil. (They should just start putting a pitchfork and horns on each bag sold in stores since we aren’t all terrified enough.)
So there I was yesterday, driving to the grocery store in search of healthy ingredients for a healthy dinner, resolved, repentant, and ready, at last, to finally Lose a Few. It was springtime after all, the buds were blooming, and I could feel myself stepping out of winter’s glut into the greener fields of good health. The candy craze of Christmas and Valentine’s was over, I was done being mad at March, nothing was gonna stop me now.
Except maybe this:
Easter. I’d forgotten about EASTER.
Oh fair Easter, that holiday of candied holidays. That holiday that justifies exorbitant amounts of chocolate because Christmas has a million other treats and Valentine’s Day has roses but Easter only has chocolate, and must therefore embrace that chocolate in its infinite, pastel-frosted varieties. It’s the holiday that encourages soul-searching and self-control while it also encourages us to wolf down a basket of foil-wrapped cocoa goodness. It’s the holiday that provides–undoubtedly–the best chocolate candy of the entire year. Show me a person who disagrees and I’ll show you a person who doesn’t know their holiday candy. Because Mini Cadbury and Whopper Robin Eggs.
You may wonder, why so much chocolate for Easter? Well, why not just ask why the spring sun gives light? If all good and deep and true things come from Easter, wouldn’t chocolate, by definition, be one of them? We have to follow the logic. We can’t pretend that chocolate doesn’t belong in the good/deep/true category. We can’t ignore it like we do the Skinny People. It’s here and it’s real and it’s true–for sweet’s sake, it’s true. Skip the chocolate and you may as well skip Easter. You may as well lock your front door and deny the Bunny entry. Do you really want to be that person? I don’t. I want to respect The Bunny. Which is why, after searching for healthy ingredients for our healthy dinner, I ended up with this:
See those scallions on the lower right? That’s the healthy ingredient (singular) I purchased for our healthy dinner. Because our family is Going to Start Eating Healthy. Right after I lose a few.